Pushing too hard? Or being to soft?

School is a place everybody has been to, taking a test is something everybody has done. Parents take their kids education to the extreme in some cases while other parents do not push their child's potential in school. Both of these views and methods of parenting have positive and negative attributes but it is the perfect equilibrium between above average or average grades and happiness that parents strive for as a goal to achieve but in doing this can become too severe or to lenient with their pressure on their children.

Pushing your child to strive for success is a noble goal for any parent. Making sure their child pays full attention in schools they will learn their likes and dislikes, perform well academically and receive scholarships to help with post secondary education as college and university. Parents are encouraging their children to make sure they are happy and are capable to provide for themselves. These are only the visible benefits of pushing your child for greatness, it is shown that children who are successful in school are extremely focused on the task at hand and have immense time management skills as well as acknowledging when they need help in certain problems. The Students who are pressured by their parents for success since day one are very organized and have learned healthy study habits but learning to study is different than learning to live.

Some parents pressure their children extreamly in terms of studying. Parents

who have raised their children this way have raised them to study well, but this cuts back on time they are able to spend on other things such as having fun with their peers for example, leaving the child with less communication skills than others. This can also link directly to a child's reputation at school as they could potentially get bullied for being smart. Raising your child this way and always pushing them too hard is not healthy for the child can lead them to extreme cases of perfectionism which can harm the child both mentally and physically. This is a quote from Lynn Margolies who is a Dr. is the psychology field. “The darker side of our culture of performance and perfectionism, and its manifestations in families, is well documented. It is associated with depression, anxiety disorders, alcohol and substance abuse, lying, eating disorders, recklessness, emptiness, self-doubt and self-reproach, cutting, and suicide.”(1)

There are two sides to this story, for parents who push their kids too hard compaired to the parents that do not push their children enough. On the positive side of the spectrum kids who are not pushed hard academically have more time for themselves, allowing them to have more opportunities to find something that makes them happy aside from school and have better communication skills as they can communicate most of the time. Since these kids are not forced to do well in school they know how to accept failure and are not centered around perfection and are often happier because of it and learn from their mistakes. Also they are able to fully explore their own interests with less focus on school they can focus on what they like to do and this can range from anything to sports to what foods they like. They have more real life experience as they are not always in a classroom setting.

Relaxed parents must set some goals for their children as no goals at all would not exemplify a fine role model. Having no expectations set for your child can be dangerous they could just give up on anything simply because “they did not want to do it” for example this style of parenting and not pushing your child to their full potential can lead to them becoming extremely lazy and unmotivated, as well as offering very limiting career paths. True the child might have found something they would really like to do for a career in all their extra time not focusing on school but would not have met the high school criteria for that occupation which would prove to be devastating. Not having your parents set an example and enforce that you must try in school can lead to a student with very low marks and very limited options for a good life as they never received any support from their parents.

Parents who are too hard on their children can lead them into a life full of anxiety and depression but where they will have good marks and be successful. While on the other side there are parents who do not push the children at all leading to a student that is happy but has very little education and few career paths selected, as a good education that was never really presented as necessary for them by their parents. It takes a combination of compassion and allowing the child to enjoy life while still being able to set goals for a student who has good marks and a happy, healthy life style emerges.

(1) https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-paradox-of-pushing-kids-to-succeed/